My partner has cheated, or I have cheated, or there has been some misuse of money, alcohol or substance or anything that was a secret and has come out! When we face situations like this, it is devastating to say the least. Can we trust again? Absolutely! Is it easy? No? But is it possible? Yes!
In fact, if you can survive a breach of trust and learn to trust again, the relationship gets to a whole other level! I have experienced this firsthand, and you can too!
Trust is something that is not gotten instantly! It is gained and can be destroyed – however more importantly, it can be regained!
There are proven and simple steps that can be taken to rebuild trust! If the trust was once built, it can be rebuilt! It does take working through the pain of the one whose trust has been broken first. Then work needs to be done with both parties on how we can together create the bond we no longer have.
Trust is a test of how far we would like to go together. Love doesn’t end because one person messes up! I am not condoning any of these secret behaviors, in fact I am a huge advocate for respecting each other enough to be honest and not have any hidden skeletons that will come out one day to haunt everyone.
However, you haven’t loved until you have loved, and gotten broken and learnt to love again!
So the best marriages are not the ones where everything is perfect, but in fact the ones that have been through the mill and yet didn’t come out in pieces but came out as one solid intimate unit. Now that doesn’t happen by chance! It happens when some serious work is done. But whether the secret thing happened or not, that work needed done – so in some way this is a disguised blessing. A trigger to go deeper and solve some fundamental issues.
Working through affair(s), or other trust issues correctly and getting to a point where, as a couple, we learn to trust and respect each other and commit to not hiding anything from each other anymore, is a guarantee for happy ever after!
There is never a guarantee that life’s challenges will not show up, but we can always learn how to ensure that we are one and we thrive and work together to deal with the challenge.
Are you struggling to trust again? You are totally justified! However, you are hurting yourself more than you are hurting anyone in the situation by holding on and replaying the painful situation over and over again. It is like reliving it and I know you would like to stop but it doesn’t come easily. I am here to tell you that there is help! You can get to a place where you can move past it and be truly happy again and still be heard and respected.
People do not change by simply brushing issues aside. If we do that, it is only a matter of time and it will show its ugly head again. People change when we support each other to work properly through it. And no, we will not be blaming anyone, not even our parents for anything. We will each accept our part of the responsibility in a loving and safe way and agree to leave the past behind.
If you want to trust again and want to save your marriage despite what has happened, getting help to walk through it in a healthy way may be all you need to get to the other side.
Have you had an affair or having an affair and unsure of how to say it and the consequences it will have on your relationship? Or have you been gambling or drinking and may need help to discuss this with your partner and get help to stop? The earlier you come clean, the better and there is help for how to go about it.
I have worked with several women, men and couples to forgive, and rebuild a happy ever after.